Have you ever wondered where things went wrong? I have been doing that constantly over the last few days. What's changed? What has happened to change things? Did I do something wrong? Is life just changing and leaving me behind? Am I expecting too much out of life?
Is it wrong for me to expect a normal family life? To be able to give my child what he deserves, a loving family environment, happiness and everything that his little heart desires?
I have been disullisioned of late! Life is not turning out as I had dreamed and hoped in the past few weeks. One of the major problems in my marriage was caused by laziness and lack of co-operation. Back in 2004 I started working full-time and hence I expected a little help around the house, which of course was not forthcoming. This caused numerous arguments and the inevitable separation. What scares me is that I am in exactly the same situation as before! Should I get out before it becomes too habitual?
Time for bed for the little one. I might be back later to reveal some more of my troubled thoughts.
I'm not sure there is such a thing as normal family life. Every different combination of individuals living in a single household creates a different dynamic. Maybe you should write a blog entry on what your ideal would be. I would find that very interesting, and the other regular reader of this blog might find it useful. I'm not really one to talk though, I gave up struggling with the difficulties of living with others years ago. People who struggle to live with other people, I salute you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI was grabbed by that statment aswell, who would want a normal family life anyway, seeing as 50% of all marriages end in divorce?
ReplyDeleteBut then again, a marriage that ends in divorce does not necessarily have to be considered a failed relationship. Why do we blame ourselves so much, when a relationship ends, did they achieve nothing the entire time?
It is a struggle to live with other people, but you must have realistic goals. You ask whether you are "expecting too much out of life?".
Perhaps you are, if you expect to achieve happiness, strength, equality, security of a long term relationship with out the process of working through all those compromises. It takes a long time to build that sort of relationship, and once you do, the idea of having to start again is terrifying. So I commend you on your bravery.
Don't use your desire to give your son that ideal upbringing as a drive to develop your relationship. All you can do is be his mother, and to be the best mother you can you need to be happy (as well as a few thousand other things).
If this relationship offers things that make you feel happy, then it is probably worth the effort, to at least try.
One thing about laziness, and men. The one man I knew he was great at cleaning and did the majority of the cleaning in our relationship was my father. The same father who never lifted a hand when living with my mother.
It is all about compromise, just make sure you aren't the only one who is making them.