I've been wanting to get this off my chest, we are going away for the weekend and I am very excited! I've been promising my son for months now that I'm going to take him away on holidays and now I finally get to do it.
I told him about it last night and Aurelius showed him the website, and he was very excited. It's not a five start resort, but a lovely holiday park up at Montville. It's going to be a nice weekend away just the three of us. This will be our first weekend away together, I hope it turns out good.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Friendship
Something has been bothering me of late. But first let me tell you a story .....
A long, long time ago in a suburb far far away there were two teenage girls - let's call them Pinky and Ditsy, they were best friends and they did almost everything together almost every weekend. Then along came a boy and said girlfriend, became engaged and eventually married boy. All was going well up until the wedding day when Pinky met another girl, let's call her Psycho, who was also in the wedding party. (However, by this stage original friendship was already showing signs of wear & tear.)
Anyway, the story continues that Pinky and Psycho had formed an alliance with each other and started seeing each other behind Ditsy's back. Since the original teenage friendship was already on the rocks the introduction of Pshycho was like adding fuel to the fire. The new friendship blossomed and grew, mainly out of a need to bag and bitch about Ditsy. Pinky agreed with everything Pshycho said plus added even more dirt to keep the conversations going.
Eventually what happened was that Pinky and Psycho ran out of things to say and the friendship fell apart. Pinky ended up being all alone, she lost her best friend of over 10 years and for what? Nothing but some awful back-stabbing and a few giggles. I learned a valuable lesson from all this, NEVER gang up on your true friends to make new friends!
Can you guess what's bothering me?
A long, long time ago in a suburb far far away there were two teenage girls - let's call them Pinky and Ditsy, they were best friends and they did almost everything together almost every weekend. Then along came a boy and said girlfriend, became engaged and eventually married boy. All was going well up until the wedding day when Pinky met another girl, let's call her Psycho, who was also in the wedding party. (However, by this stage original friendship was already showing signs of wear & tear.)
Anyway, the story continues that Pinky and Psycho had formed an alliance with each other and started seeing each other behind Ditsy's back. Since the original teenage friendship was already on the rocks the introduction of Pshycho was like adding fuel to the fire. The new friendship blossomed and grew, mainly out of a need to bag and bitch about Ditsy. Pinky agreed with everything Pshycho said plus added even more dirt to keep the conversations going.
Eventually what happened was that Pinky and Psycho ran out of things to say and the friendship fell apart. Pinky ended up being all alone, she lost her best friend of over 10 years and for what? Nothing but some awful back-stabbing and a few giggles. I learned a valuable lesson from all this, NEVER gang up on your true friends to make new friends!
Can you guess what's bothering me?
Saturday, April 16, 2005
:-(
On Thursday night Aurelius and I had our first huge fight. The issues of the fights are not important. What is important is that he really upset me and 'for those who were not listening', I spent a good part of the night bawling my eyes out. I don't know if he knew this or not, but if he didn't then he is the most ignorant man on this planet!
My concerns following this fight are that we are not able to communicate. As I said to him this morning, times when I am under pressure, highly strung and tired are not good times to raise issues relating to my son's upbringing. The topic is a sensitive one at the best of times. I am constantly questioning myself anyway, whether I'm being a good mother, am I doing things in the best interest of my son, am I setting a good example for him and am I a good role-model. Any single parents out there will know how hard it is raising children on their own, especially when you have to work full-time. The guilt one experiences and the sacrifices one has to make to provide the child with the best of everything. I try not to sacrifice the important things, such as spending quality time with my son, taking him to the park, movies, cooking him home cooked meals and of course, buying him things he wants. I guess the last one stems from the guilt I feel at having to go to work full time and having to put him into full-time daycare.
My point here is that any comments may be taken out of context and taken the wrong way. Comments made even with the best intentions, will be misconstrued to mean something else. Not intentionally, but because of the sensitive nature of the issues and concerns.
My concerns following this fight are that we are not able to communicate. As I said to him this morning, times when I am under pressure, highly strung and tired are not good times to raise issues relating to my son's upbringing. The topic is a sensitive one at the best of times. I am constantly questioning myself anyway, whether I'm being a good mother, am I doing things in the best interest of my son, am I setting a good example for him and am I a good role-model. Any single parents out there will know how hard it is raising children on their own, especially when you have to work full-time. The guilt one experiences and the sacrifices one has to make to provide the child with the best of everything. I try not to sacrifice the important things, such as spending quality time with my son, taking him to the park, movies, cooking him home cooked meals and of course, buying him things he wants. I guess the last one stems from the guilt I feel at having to go to work full time and having to put him into full-time daycare.
My point here is that any comments may be taken out of context and taken the wrong way. Comments made even with the best intentions, will be misconstrued to mean something else. Not intentionally, but because of the sensitive nature of the issues and concerns.
Amendment
I have to concede that Aurelius was right again! I don't really want cold hard cash - I want the things that cold hard cash can buy. Yes, I am materialistic, I want nice things - who doesn't. Does this make me a bad person? Does this make me greedy? I don't think so, because I know from experience that when I have things/money I always share with family and friends, I give to charity and I also support the country's economy. What's wrong with that?
I would call this being ambitious. Yes I am ambitiuos, and yes I am working towards attaining these goals with or without partner support - it would just be easier with another ambitious person than without! It would also be quicker, but I am persistent and I will achieve my goals with or without help from anyone.
Anyone reading my previous entry thinking that I was going to use people to achieve my goals are mistaken, I have enough drive and determination to achieve my goals on my own. I have realised that I should never count on anybody else except myself and I guess this realisation hit me in the last couple of days. As the quote says "if you don't trust the way something is done by other people, then do it yourself!" I have fallen into a comfort trap - again - thinking that now that I'm in a partnership again, I can relax and things will happen, this is incorrect, things won't happen unless I make them happen! So once again I am taking charge, I am getting back on track and re-focusing my energy into advancing myself and not worrying about where other people are going. If they want to get there bad enough they will, if not then we are not meant to be!
I am now going back into the things I started in the beginning of the year, I am going back to bushwalking and since the offer of my gym membership was not taken up, I am going to go back to the gym on weekends and some weekdays. I am also going to put some energy into the charity organisation of which I am the media officer. I have neglected this position, but no longer. I will make plans to meet up with committee members next weekend and start being pro-active. I am also going to start golf, starting with making enquiries about prices and tuition. I am very excited about the next few months, and where my life is going to go.
But I also believe that couples should have similar goals and aspirations to be successful! This remains to be seen.
I would call this being ambitious. Yes I am ambitiuos, and yes I am working towards attaining these goals with or without partner support - it would just be easier with another ambitious person than without! It would also be quicker, but I am persistent and I will achieve my goals with or without help from anyone.
Anyone reading my previous entry thinking that I was going to use people to achieve my goals are mistaken, I have enough drive and determination to achieve my goals on my own. I have realised that I should never count on anybody else except myself and I guess this realisation hit me in the last couple of days. As the quote says "if you don't trust the way something is done by other people, then do it yourself!" I have fallen into a comfort trap - again - thinking that now that I'm in a partnership again, I can relax and things will happen, this is incorrect, things won't happen unless I make them happen! So once again I am taking charge, I am getting back on track and re-focusing my energy into advancing myself and not worrying about where other people are going. If they want to get there bad enough they will, if not then we are not meant to be!
I am now going back into the things I started in the beginning of the year, I am going back to bushwalking and since the offer of my gym membership was not taken up, I am going to go back to the gym on weekends and some weekdays. I am also going to put some energy into the charity organisation of which I am the media officer. I have neglected this position, but no longer. I will make plans to meet up with committee members next weekend and start being pro-active. I am also going to start golf, starting with making enquiries about prices and tuition. I am very excited about the next few months, and where my life is going to go.
But I also believe that couples should have similar goals and aspirations to be successful! This remains to be seen.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Good Bye, Auf Wiedersehen, Szia, Au revoir, Arrivederci
Ok. I was not going to write about this but it may help.
My parents are moving to Tasmania and I have not said much on this issue but yes it upsets me. You may think I'm being silly and need to grow up but let's face it, we are a close family - up until now that is. I realise that closeness is not related to proximity, but since our arrival in Australia in 1984 I have had no other family except my parents, brother and sister. As a family we have always been close - proximity wise - to each other and now that they have taken the plunge and are moving, I find it a little bit upsetting.
The worse part about all this is trying to explain it to my 4-year-old how far away Tasmania is. Aurelius and I have had maps of Australia out, but I don't think he understands. Tonight we went over to their house for dinner and loaded the car with some of his toys for the return journey home. We loaded the trike and he got really upset because that belongs in mamma's house for when he goes over there to play. Once again we had to explain that mamma & pappa have sold their house and will be moving "very far away, on fri." If we didn't take the trike it will end up in the bin. He doesn't understand, and I feel sorry and trying to think up explanations for when he starts asking me "When are we going over to mamma's house?" "Where is mamma?"
This upsets me very much. Another aspect which upsets me a bit is that I moved across town to get the extra support for when I needed it, being a single mother, I need all the help I can get, when I can get it! I work full-time and attend TAFE at nights part-time, who is going to help me now? I realise these are selfish reasons, but isn't a family supposed to stick together and help each other in their time of need?
On a non-selfish level I am happy for them, I hope they find what they are looking for down there and at least their move will force me to visit Tasmania in the not too distance future.
My parents are moving to Tasmania and I have not said much on this issue but yes it upsets me. You may think I'm being silly and need to grow up but let's face it, we are a close family - up until now that is. I realise that closeness is not related to proximity, but since our arrival in Australia in 1984 I have had no other family except my parents, brother and sister. As a family we have always been close - proximity wise - to each other and now that they have taken the plunge and are moving, I find it a little bit upsetting.
The worse part about all this is trying to explain it to my 4-year-old how far away Tasmania is. Aurelius and I have had maps of Australia out, but I don't think he understands. Tonight we went over to their house for dinner and loaded the car with some of his toys for the return journey home. We loaded the trike and he got really upset because that belongs in mamma's house for when he goes over there to play. Once again we had to explain that mamma & pappa have sold their house and will be moving "very far away, on fri." If we didn't take the trike it will end up in the bin. He doesn't understand, and I feel sorry and trying to think up explanations for when he starts asking me "When are we going over to mamma's house?" "Where is mamma?"
This upsets me very much. Another aspect which upsets me a bit is that I moved across town to get the extra support for when I needed it, being a single mother, I need all the help I can get, when I can get it! I work full-time and attend TAFE at nights part-time, who is going to help me now? I realise these are selfish reasons, but isn't a family supposed to stick together and help each other in their time of need?
On a non-selfish level I am happy for them, I hope they find what they are looking for down there and at least their move will force me to visit Tasmania in the not too distance future.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Buddha Birthday Festival 2005
For three days, South Bank will be a haven of peaceful celebration and multicultural fun at the Buddha Birthday Festival.
From 29 April to 1 May see lion and dragon dances, make candlelight peace offerings and be amazed at the ice sculptures.
Other highlights include: rides and games for the kids, an Asian art and craft fair, fabulous vegetarian food from around the world, plus the bathing Buddha ritual which is open to all.
We all love fireworks and this year there will be two displays – one on Saturday 30 April at 9pm, and the other on Sunday 1 May at 7.30pm.
Celebrate the birth of Buddha in 600BC by taking part in Queensland’s largest community celebration. Last year, over 180,000 people were at the party.
Venue
South Bank, with many activities in the Suncorp Piazza.
Dates and times for 2005
Friday 29 April 12 noon – 9pm
Saturday 30 April 9.00am – 9.00pm (fireworks at 9.00pm)
Sunday 1 May 9.00am – 9.00pm (fireworks at 7.30pm)
Cost
FREE.
There may be a cost for some of the rides and for food bought at the vegetarian food fair.
Combined with the Caxton Street Seafood festival it should be a good day of fun and entertainment for both parents and children.
From 29 April to 1 May see lion and dragon dances, make candlelight peace offerings and be amazed at the ice sculptures.
Other highlights include: rides and games for the kids, an Asian art and craft fair, fabulous vegetarian food from around the world, plus the bathing Buddha ritual which is open to all.
We all love fireworks and this year there will be two displays – one on Saturday 30 April at 9pm, and the other on Sunday 1 May at 7.30pm.
Celebrate the birth of Buddha in 600BC by taking part in Queensland’s largest community celebration. Last year, over 180,000 people were at the party.
Venue
South Bank, with many activities in the Suncorp Piazza.
Dates and times for 2005
Friday 29 April 12 noon – 9pm
Saturday 30 April 9.00am – 9.00pm (fireworks at 9.00pm)
Sunday 1 May 9.00am – 9.00pm (fireworks at 7.30pm)
Cost
FREE.
There may be a cost for some of the rides and for food bought at the vegetarian food fair.
Combined with the Caxton Street Seafood festival it should be a good day of fun and entertainment for both parents and children.
Caxton Street Seafood Festival
I love seafood and this is one festival I've always wanted to go. I'll try and twist Aurelius' arm to take me there this year.
On Sunday 1 May, Brisbane’s Caxton Street will explode with sound and colour as locals take part in the annual Caxton Street Seafood and Wine Festival – the street party to end all street parties!
Fresh oysters, crabs, prawns and fish will be the flavour of the day. Plus the expected crowd of 30 000 people will sample aussie and international music acts on two stages.
The Caxton Street Seafood and Wine Festival, now in its 10th year, has become one of Brisbane's favourite festivals. The street is closed each year to allow everyone to sample food from the precinct’s famous restaurants, enjoy a refreshing ale or fine wine and relax over the Labour Day long weekend.
On Sunday 1 May, Brisbane’s Caxton Street will explode with sound and colour as locals take part in the annual Caxton Street Seafood and Wine Festival – the street party to end all street parties!
Fresh oysters, crabs, prawns and fish will be the flavour of the day. Plus the expected crowd of 30 000 people will sample aussie and international music acts on two stages.
The Caxton Street Seafood and Wine Festival, now in its 10th year, has become one of Brisbane's favourite festivals. The street is closed each year to allow everyone to sample food from the precinct’s famous restaurants, enjoy a refreshing ale or fine wine and relax over the Labour Day long weekend.
Found him!
In my last entry I forgot to mention that I have found someone who is very close to my wants. We are still early into our relationship but he is showing great promise, we are just working on the money bit - he doesn't have any! But we are working on it and I think together we are going to get to where we want to go.
So hope it works out and he doesn't get sick of my grumpiness. Cross fingers.
So hope it works out and he doesn't get sick of my grumpiness. Cross fingers.
My ideal life
This is the way I had always imagined my life, needless to say none of it came true. I wanted to be an accountant - a high powered business woman, married to a business man and my first child at 28. Own my own convertible BMW 3 series by the time I was 25 and a house by the time I was 30. I imagined dinner parties at home with friends and business colleagues. A swimming pool in the backyard and private school for both of my children. A boy named Andrew and a girl names Ashleigh. Having grown up in a working class eastern european family I wanted to be rich, where if I wanted something I could just get it without needing to justify whether I actually needed it. I imagined going on overseas trips and family holidays every year.
This is what happened instead. At 18 I wanted to be an accountant, didn't do well enough at school didn't get into uni, so at 19 I studied accounting at Tafe, did pretty well but not well enough to get into an accounting course at uni, I did get accepted into early european history at griffith and languages at UQ. I started studying these course cross-institutionally, but got sick of going back and forwards so transferred myself into the UQ Arts degree. Completed this course with a double major in journalism. By the time I finished my course I had grown up significantly and realised that there was more to life then just power and money. I do like money but I was ready to admit that money wasn't everything. Married at 27, my first child at 28 - called Andrew, forced to give up work, reliant on one income, hard times were imminent.
I am now older and I would like to get comfortable. I would like to be with someone who is considerate, kind and wants more children. I now have a revised plan, based on my age. I want a life filled with money! Yes, cold hard cash! I am sick of the struggle, the justifications, the going without, I want a house and I want it soon! I want another child and I want someone to support me while I stay at home with the baby. I also want holidays as often as possible. On the home front I want a man who is not afraid of the kitchen, who does not mind sharing household chores. A man I do not have to nag into submission. A man who realises of his own accord when the dishes need washing, when the clothes need to be hung out to dry, the rubbish needs taking out, the floor needs sweeping and mopping, baby's napping needs changing and most of all someone who can put up with my grumpy temperament.
When I actually mean a normal life, I just mean a life where everything is equalled. I have no problem with working for my money as long as my partner is willing to do the same. I have no problem working hard to achieve my goals, but in this day and age and economic climate, doing it alone is almost impossible. I need someone who has similar goals and similar aspirations in life and then I feel that together we can make it.
This is what happened instead. At 18 I wanted to be an accountant, didn't do well enough at school didn't get into uni, so at 19 I studied accounting at Tafe, did pretty well but not well enough to get into an accounting course at uni, I did get accepted into early european history at griffith and languages at UQ. I started studying these course cross-institutionally, but got sick of going back and forwards so transferred myself into the UQ Arts degree. Completed this course with a double major in journalism. By the time I finished my course I had grown up significantly and realised that there was more to life then just power and money. I do like money but I was ready to admit that money wasn't everything. Married at 27, my first child at 28 - called Andrew, forced to give up work, reliant on one income, hard times were imminent.
I am now older and I would like to get comfortable. I would like to be with someone who is considerate, kind and wants more children. I now have a revised plan, based on my age. I want a life filled with money! Yes, cold hard cash! I am sick of the struggle, the justifications, the going without, I want a house and I want it soon! I want another child and I want someone to support me while I stay at home with the baby. I also want holidays as often as possible. On the home front I want a man who is not afraid of the kitchen, who does not mind sharing household chores. A man I do not have to nag into submission. A man who realises of his own accord when the dishes need washing, when the clothes need to be hung out to dry, the rubbish needs taking out, the floor needs sweeping and mopping, baby's napping needs changing and most of all someone who can put up with my grumpy temperament.
When I actually mean a normal life, I just mean a life where everything is equalled. I have no problem with working for my money as long as my partner is willing to do the same. I have no problem working hard to achieve my goals, but in this day and age and economic climate, doing it alone is almost impossible. I need someone who has similar goals and similar aspirations in life and then I feel that together we can make it.
Monday, April 04, 2005
???????????????????????
Have you ever wondered where things went wrong? I have been doing that constantly over the last few days. What's changed? What has happened to change things? Did I do something wrong? Is life just changing and leaving me behind? Am I expecting too much out of life?
Is it wrong for me to expect a normal family life? To be able to give my child what he deserves, a loving family environment, happiness and everything that his little heart desires?
I have been disullisioned of late! Life is not turning out as I had dreamed and hoped in the past few weeks. One of the major problems in my marriage was caused by laziness and lack of co-operation. Back in 2004 I started working full-time and hence I expected a little help around the house, which of course was not forthcoming. This caused numerous arguments and the inevitable separation. What scares me is that I am in exactly the same situation as before! Should I get out before it becomes too habitual?
Time for bed for the little one. I might be back later to reveal some more of my troubled thoughts.
Is it wrong for me to expect a normal family life? To be able to give my child what he deserves, a loving family environment, happiness and everything that his little heart desires?
I have been disullisioned of late! Life is not turning out as I had dreamed and hoped in the past few weeks. One of the major problems in my marriage was caused by laziness and lack of co-operation. Back in 2004 I started working full-time and hence I expected a little help around the house, which of course was not forthcoming. This caused numerous arguments and the inevitable separation. What scares me is that I am in exactly the same situation as before! Should I get out before it becomes too habitual?
Time for bed for the little one. I might be back later to reveal some more of my troubled thoughts.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
So many things to say...
I have so many things to write about, but unfortunately 95% of it would offend my regular reader. Because of this I would rather just shut my mouth, retire my finger tips and leave it at that.
On the up side, I got paid for all the work I did over the public holidays, which means that my bank balance is looking a bit healthier.
Other than that, I have no further news...nothing I can write about here anyway!
On the up side, I got paid for all the work I did over the public holidays, which means that my bank balance is looking a bit healthier.
Other than that, I have no further news...nothing I can write about here anyway!
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