Grrrrrrrrr!

I am so furious! I always knew he was a liar and now I know he is. I'm talking about Aurelius! My friend's first expression of him was that he was a liar. I asked her what she thought of him and after spending 30mins with him she couldn't shake the feeling that he was a liar. I just dismissed this as being over protective but now I know she was right!

I cannot believe that he is going around telling people that he left. I guess it's true in a sense - since I asked him to move out. I am also very disappointed. And then he wonders why I don't want to stay friends with him?

And the truth be known our troubles started because of his can't be bothered, lazy attitude. I'll fix the car later, I'll register it later, I'll find a better job later, I'll go to the gym later...later, later, later. Everything was on hold, everything went stale! No ambition or none that he would share! No get up and go! Our first holiday together, he spent most of it in bed, no energy to do anything. I'm not saying I wanted to go skydiving or rockcliming, but it would have been nice to go to the beach, or the cafes of Maleny, the arts & crafts shops or just for a walk in the mountains. Too lazy! While I went out & worked his routine consisted of moving between the lounge, the bedroom & the computer room. Then I came home and cleaned and cooked. No thank you! I've been there once - didn't want to be there again.

Ok, I know what you're thinking...was he aware of how I felt? Yes he was because on the rare occasions that we would actually verbally talk to each other I had voiced my concerns. The response, I hear you ask? It usually consisted of an "I don't understand" or "If you want something done, just ask" or there was the explanation about the 'domestic blindness'! I just got a plain and simple explanation that if I didn't tell him to do it then he just didn't see it. I was flabbergasted. A grown adult cannot see dirty dishes? Piles of dirty laundry? I'm sorry, but there is only so much I can take of bullshit like that! It used to infuriate me when I would get the "I don't understand" spiel. How can you not understand that I'm unhappy because you never did anything and believe me he was told in no uncertain terms.

Most of the time we would end up arguing, because for a guy who prides himself to be of higher intellect then most, he was sure lacking in common sense and if I raised any concerns or metioned that I was not happy to be in a repeat ex-husband relationship then he would say that I was verbally abusing him - according to him. Eventually I just gave up. I could not win. It just did not sink in. I gave up! I wanted more from a relationship and I think my son deserved a better role-model and a person who treated him better. Actually Aurelius didn't treat him in anyway, he didn't interact with him at all, or hardly ever. What sort of a relationship is that? When both partners have children from previous relationships you should try and contribute to their well-being and upbringing in a positive way - at least that's what I think - not exclude them all together. Aurelius used to withdraw to his computer room after we got home and therefore would hardly see him until dinner time, after which he would withdraw again. The withdrawing to the computer room as soon as we got home was also giving me the shits - the excuse was usually "job hunting".

I didn't like where it was going and therefore I asked him to move out - not like he paid his share of the rent anyway! Every week, I would have to ask for the rent and then on top of that all my bills doubled. My Energex went from $130 to $230 and my mobile phone bill tripled and my car expenses also doubled if not tripled. I couldn't afford these expenses without any help and I didn't ask for help - I only asked that he pay his rent to me on time every week, which of course didn't happen. He didn't even pay his last week of rent and on top of that he left me with a pile of bills and cleaning costs - trying to fix the carpet and the wall in his room. The only bill he paid was the phone, which was almost disconnected several times.
I don't want his money now, but I would at least expect that he tell the truth, but I suppose that's asking a bit too much! Everybody has their version of the story and his blog is the world according to Aurelius.

I never wanted to write about the happenings in our relationship, because that's private, but I feel that I am entitled to tell my side of the story especially in my own blog.

As for being his friend, well I don't see why I have to keep in contact with him seven days a week and 24 hours a day just to stay his friend. I have friends whom I have not seen in 2 years or longer and then I have friends who I visit with every few months, but we don't live in each others pockets. I don't believe in living in each others pockets. Everybody has their own lives to live and you fit your friends in where you can. Besides, he should have learned to communicate when he had the chance not after it's been blown. There are other annoyances which I won't go into here.

I suppose you only get to know someone after you have lived with them for a while.

Finding Oneself

I have come to the conclusion that no matter who I am with I still need time to myself.

I used to think it was just because once you get to know someone you need time away from them. I have now realised it's not them but me where the problem lies. I need time to myself, regardless who I am with or where I am. A perfect example is - I just spent the whole of christmas day and boxing day at my sister's. It was fine the first day but by boxing day I wanted peace and quiet and wanted to be by myself in my own home.

This poses a problem for future relationships. Will I ever be able to live with another person, besides my son - of course? Will I have to be in a relationship where both of us maintains their separate residences for 'get-away' purposes? Should I get counselling for this? I am happy to be this way, but it does pose the above problem in future relationships. I used to think it was only my exes that had that affect on me. I guess maybe if I found someone that I enjoyed being with it might be different. One way to find out and that's to find someone - not that I'm looking.

Just once I would like the opposite sex to chase me and woo me with flowers, champagne and dirty weekends away! Is that wrong? In this age of equal opportunity is it wrong to want to be made to feel special? I'm sick of doing the chasing and the innuendos and the seduction, it's someone else's turn now and if I never find anyone who wants to woo and seduce well then that's the end of that! But I still have an inkling of hope deep within me.

I have met people who are more pedantic than me and who appeared to be less likely to find that right person, and yet they have - so there is hope! Is it also wrong to try and find someone who has a good job and is able to support a family? I don't think so, but then I do have old fashioned values. I want to have another baby, but it's unrealistic to even dream about this when the only people I seem to meet are either on welfare or drifting from one temp job to another. If I meet someone I want them to have a secure good job where I can have the opportunity to take a year off work and not have to worry about losing the roof over my head and how I'm going to feed my children and pay my bills! Is it wrong to want this? To me it's not, but I may be just a gold digger - as someone kindly suggested!

If there is anyone out there - please let me know!

Thanks

Diet?...What Diet?

I've given up over the holidays - but straight back to it as soon as the festivities are over.

I've also taken the plunge and two friends and I are going to an over 30s singles function in the city soon. Hopefully it will be a lot of fun!

I'll give you the post-mortem afterwards - if I don't forget!

Karma

I am so angry! I moved to cheaper housing because the last few years have not been so hot and now it's just unbearable. My previous house had air-conditioning and ceiling fans. My new house has nothing - not even good cross wind. The air is stifling and very humid. You just can't win. I used to tell people that I didn't need the air-con because it wasn't hot enough and that I didn't even use the fans - which was true, but boy - I'd love to have at least fans now - no point complaining - I'm not moving anywhere for at least another year or at least until the memory of the last move is well and truly out of my head.

I've got a lot more to write about but it's late - maybe after Christmas!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to everybody!