Finding Oneself

I have come to the conclusion that no matter who I am with I still need time to myself.

I used to think it was just because once you get to know someone you need time away from them. I have now realised it's not them but me where the problem lies. I need time to myself, regardless who I am with or where I am. A perfect example is - I just spent the whole of christmas day and boxing day at my sister's. It was fine the first day but by boxing day I wanted peace and quiet and wanted to be by myself in my own home.

This poses a problem for future relationships. Will I ever be able to live with another person, besides my son - of course? Will I have to be in a relationship where both of us maintains their separate residences for 'get-away' purposes? Should I get counselling for this? I am happy to be this way, but it does pose the above problem in future relationships. I used to think it was only my exes that had that affect on me. I guess maybe if I found someone that I enjoyed being with it might be different. One way to find out and that's to find someone - not that I'm looking.

Just once I would like the opposite sex to chase me and woo me with flowers, champagne and dirty weekends away! Is that wrong? In this age of equal opportunity is it wrong to want to be made to feel special? I'm sick of doing the chasing and the innuendos and the seduction, it's someone else's turn now and if I never find anyone who wants to woo and seduce well then that's the end of that! But I still have an inkling of hope deep within me.

I have met people who are more pedantic than me and who appeared to be less likely to find that right person, and yet they have - so there is hope! Is it also wrong to try and find someone who has a good job and is able to support a family? I don't think so, but then I do have old fashioned values. I want to have another baby, but it's unrealistic to even dream about this when the only people I seem to meet are either on welfare or drifting from one temp job to another. If I meet someone I want them to have a secure good job where I can have the opportunity to take a year off work and not have to worry about losing the roof over my head and how I'm going to feed my children and pay my bills! Is it wrong to want this? To me it's not, but I may be just a gold digger - as someone kindly suggested!

If there is anyone out there - please let me know!

Thanks